At this juncture..my dilemma
Hello everyone.
As mentioned in my previous post. I've moved on to a new company and it's actually a bank.
Somehow or rather, being from the Vendor environment, I have yet to adapt to the structure of a bank. Things are slightly bureaucratic. It's a tall organization rather a flat one. Each thing must be done according to procedures. I do not resent procedures but I resent the amount of time taken to just perform some simple task, where everyone is busy doing their stuffs and sometimes, due to too many levels of approvals, things get slowed down drastically.
Facing this type of issues coupled with my own goals and interest, I have come to feel that this working environment/career path is not really what I wanted. Many people have been telling me that I needed more time to adapt to the environment but I could really feel something is not right from my skin. I am now in a dilemma to evaluate and decide what I really wanted.
Honestly, what I really wanted is really simple. To be able to continue to do what I am interested in software development. To gain exposure in banking and best practices/solid business logic. Easier said than done, my dream job is not something that I could really fit perfectly into. Sometimes, life's challenges/reality/truth plays a part too. I believe that I do have the strengths mentally but lost to my physical appearance. Discrimination is a bad practice, but in order to be the best, in the "REAL" world, company would always choose to hire the best of the best. Not some that has an obvious flaw. Many people that I met, including lecturers, ex-bosses told me it is rather difficult for me to actually land myself to my "dream" job. Imagine being told this on your first week of work. All your hopes dashed. A memory that couldn't be erased forever.
Knowing this is rather demotivating but nevertheless pushes me to work harder up to today and even more lately. All the effort that I put in previously did pay off, but to me it's just some small steps and achievements, I have yet many more steps to take before arriving to my bigger picture.
This is just a post to for me somehow, somewhere to voice out what I really feel at this moment :(. Hope that I don't bore anyone.
As mentioned in my previous post. I've moved on to a new company and it's actually a bank.
Somehow or rather, being from the Vendor environment, I have yet to adapt to the structure of a bank. Things are slightly bureaucratic. It's a tall organization rather a flat one. Each thing must be done according to procedures. I do not resent procedures but I resent the amount of time taken to just perform some simple task, where everyone is busy doing their stuffs and sometimes, due to too many levels of approvals, things get slowed down drastically.
Facing this type of issues coupled with my own goals and interest, I have come to feel that this working environment/career path is not really what I wanted. Many people have been telling me that I needed more time to adapt to the environment but I could really feel something is not right from my skin. I am now in a dilemma to evaluate and decide what I really wanted.
Honestly, what I really wanted is really simple. To be able to continue to do what I am interested in software development. To gain exposure in banking and best practices/solid business logic. Easier said than done, my dream job is not something that I could really fit perfectly into. Sometimes, life's challenges/reality/truth plays a part too. I believe that I do have the strengths mentally but lost to my physical appearance. Discrimination is a bad practice, but in order to be the best, in the "REAL" world, company would always choose to hire the best of the best. Not some that has an obvious flaw. Many people that I met, including lecturers, ex-bosses told me it is rather difficult for me to actually land myself to my "dream" job. Imagine being told this on your first week of work. All your hopes dashed. A memory that couldn't be erased forever.
Knowing this is rather demotivating but nevertheless pushes me to work harder up to today and even more lately. All the effort that I put in previously did pay off, but to me it's just some small steps and achievements, I have yet many more steps to take before arriving to my bigger picture.
This is just a post to for me somehow, somewhere to voice out what I really feel at this moment :(. Hope that I don't bore anyone.
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